Updated: Feb 4
2020, what a year it’s been, and only a few weeks until the end.
From the first day I knew this year would be different, it was a year where I learnt to totally let go and trust.
Let me go back to the beginning. Well the beginning of 2020. On the 31st December I had been living with my ex-partner since October, we had spent Christmas as one big family and it seemed perfect. The 31st December 2019, I was so happy, or so I made myself believe. Looking back, it was as if I had been trying to fit myself into someone else’s mould so that they would be happy.
The 1st January I knew it wasn’t going to work. Literally in 24 hours there was a huge shift. 2020 energy was there well and present. I suddenly looked at the person I was living with and wondered whether I could carry on fitting into his way of living. I decided to stand in my own truth and finally be ME. One week after, there ensued a huge argument. I decided to leave, but to leave I had to find a place to live. I needed to get out quickly but wasn’t in a position to pay a deposit and rent.
Ask the Angels and be opened to receive
That night I went to bed and asked the angels for guidance, to find me a house. They answered. The next morning, I woke with the solution; The house of my ex-parents in law, which had lain empty for 3 years whilst they had been moving into a nursing home. The place was full of their furniture and needed some desperate loving care and for it to be lived in to keep away any squatters. It was the perfect solution. Look after the house, pay minimum rent to the father of my children and take the worry from him of having his parents house empty and abandoned.
Let go of the big stuff
I left my furniture I had brought with me with me for my ex-partner, I really needed the least baggage possible in order to move quickly. He had previously sold his furniture in order to make room for mine…so he was more thankful to keep my furniture and allow me to move out quickly. .
The father of my daughters accepted my proposal, to live in the empty house of his parents on the condition that I would be out of the house by mid-August as he wanted to move in (it was his house after all).. I moved in at the end of January.
Big leap already from where I was 3 weeks before…
The 2nd February was apparently the beginning of ascension for twin flames….
Let go of old memories, heal the past.
So here I was in my new home, the home that I had so often been in with my daughters and their grandparents, memories abound. As I emptied the cupboards of their stuff to make room for mine (and make the job easier for my daughter’s father when he would move in), So many old memories came up from my marriage, and my daughters when they were small, from my ex in laws. I felt I was closing a HUGE door, releasing so much old energy from the past to make space for the new.
Every cupboard I opened was a flashback to the past, and as I opened those doors the old energy and memories flew away like moths in the night.
Listen to the signs, they’re there if you listen..
Around the 12th March something happened. I got in my car after finishing work at 17.30 and my car’s digital clock displayed 16.30. I was lost. How could it be that time? I had just finished work! In my head I retraced the day as to what I had done, and no! It couldn’t be this time! It had be 17.30! Why was it showing 1 hour earlier? I felt like I skipped a timeline, dazed for a few moments. After recovering I switched on the radio to connect my phone to the Bluetooth, my phone however was nowhere to be seen in the car system. Eradicated! It had been disconnected before but not eradicated (my car was only 2 years old). Instead, an English name appeared on the screen! I was in France in a car park where I had parked my car for the last 4 years and this had never happened! What was happening? An English name…and English time? I asked the Divine if they were expecting me to go to the UK? No! I couldn’t do that! Were they joking?
It seems not, 2 days later, I opened my new purse and found a £1 British coin in there!!!! Just to put you in the picture, I hadn’t gone back to the UK for 2 years and didn’t have any English money! AND this was a new purse I had just changed to 2 days ago! How the heck did it get in there?
OK Divine, I get it! You are screaming at me to go back!!!!
You probably don’t know me so let me explain. I had left the UK 20 years ago to move to France, having never felt at home in the UK, ever. I felt like square peg in a round hole, and I felt lost there. I had always said I would die in France, it’s my home and would never return to England…. seems the divine had other plans for me!...
Expect the unexpected!
17th March and COVID lockdown arrived. A weird time for many but it gave me the time and space to get my head around the UK and what was being asked of me! I spent hours on you Tube watching videos of towns in the UK trying to picture myself there and get into the way of being there. Slowly I began to accept the idea. I had no idea why I had to go but accepted what they were asking of me. The decision was taken to leave in August before a second lockdown that I felt was on the cards… Oh, and how about that! I had to be out of the house anyway by August! It seems everything had been planned for me!
August came and it was time to say goodbye to France, my life here, my friends. I knew a new chapter was opening for me which was exciting but also heart wrenching to leave the country that was my home.
For a year, I had been friends with someone on Facebook, his name was Steve, we had the odd banter with comments and always looked forward to his words on my posts, it was nothing more than someone I liked, really admired and felt on the same wavelength with. He was English and living in France, and we’d never met. When I left France however, I knew, and I didn’t know why, that he would say to me that he missed me, and I knew I would miss him! How was that? Nothing had changed really as we only knew each other through a screen, but it FELT different, like suddenly we were further away from each other. And yes, as I predicted he did say it, and I did feel it!!
It was then whilst in the UK that our friendship took a new turn. We shared more and more jokes, even had a pie in the sky dream project that had started as a joke, but deep down we both felt that it could be something we could do, working together, having fun. It was a joke with a serious base that connected us.
Life carried on and I settled into the UK, in fact I was 100% here, France was shut out of my mind, I was surprised I didn't miss it. I see now that I had to be in the UK totally in order to accept the English part of me, there was no room for missing France, I had healing to do . I had always tried to be French after so many lives here.
Moving over I took the minimum load and shipped over to the UK 30 boxes and a bike, I just knew I didn’t need more. I moved into my Mum’s until I found my own place, and it was there I began releasing old emotions back from my teenage years and younger; The sense of feeling lost, the feeling I used to have as a child feeling homesick whilst living in the UK (I was homesick for France). Hearing my Mum play Radio 4 and cooking whilst I was in my room brought up so many old feelings that needed to be released and they were.
I found shared accommodation to move into in Grantham, so that’s why I didn’t need all that furniture I had left at my ex’s! I moved in with the bare necessities, into 1 room in a lovely house that began to feel like family. The same time I felt like a student. More feelings came up from my student days to be released! I became English. Projects were set up, but all of them delayed until 2021 due to COVID…nothing seemed to be taking off, but everything delayed…
Around the 5th of November, Steve, my friend on Facebook and I started chatting more and more, comments became messages and around the 8th it became an endless conversation. And at one point we said we said we loved each other. On the 6th Nov Steve had heard me shout his name, it woke him up and made him jump out of bed, unable to sleep after as it didn’t feel like a dream but my real voice. I feel now, looking back that this was my soul, as a twin flame calling him. conversation continued and, on the 10th, Steve felt a major shift, we thought it was about what was going on in the world but now looking back it was OUR shift!
Looking back, I see how I was keeping him at arm’s length, he was endlessly giving me complements and saying how he felt in a very gently way and I had been hurt so often before my heart was locked in a wall of fear. I see now that we were in the runner chaser stage of twin flames. I felt the intensity but didn’t want to go there, it frightened me unconsciously. Until on the 11th of November it became evident what was happening, and Steve admitted he was falling in love with me. I asked the Divine what to do, they simply answered “Go into your heart, open your heart and see what happens” they wanted me to trust MY feelings not their opinion…I did that I decided to jump. And I did!
I admitted that was in love too, and then it was like a dam had burst. I was crying with both joy and the release of years and years of pain and fear. I realised, like Steve that we had always loved each other even when we didn’t see it! We put 2 and 2 together, our feelings, the incredible telepathy and synchronicities that were happening, that we were twin flames. We felt it and knew it at the depth of our soul. (this is for another blog post!)
On the day of stating our love for each other we knew it was forever, that I would be moving to be with him…back in France!
Steve lives in part of France that has a lot of English inhabitants. Now when I first lived in France it was inconceivable that I would live amongst the English. In Nantes, any English were living in French bilingual couples, it wasn’t English’, and I avoided pure Englishness in France at all costs, in fact I avoided the whole English part of me altogether. So, with IN so with OUT. Now I saw why I had to return to the UK! Well, a few reasons actually. To be at peace with the English part of me so that I could live amongst the English in France, to be whole and not reject a part of me, the English part, to heal past trauma from my life in the UK and I also see it was to wake up Steve and I …when I moved it made us realise our connection.
Everything that had happened suddenly slotted into place:
My leaving my ex (they needed to get me out, I had a twin flame mission to do!)
Leaving all the furniture
The signs for the UK screaming at me
Having to leave the house In August..
Move to the UK in August between lockdowns
Moving to the UK to wake us up to our connection
Being in the UK to heal the past and accept my wholeness
And now I shall be moving back to France to live blissfully with my twin flame , partner, and ONE love to live our mission as twin flames, helping this planet shift through the transition and raise the planet into 5D….And that
folks is material for a whole other blog post! Our mission and twin flames….