This year of 2020 started with a bang!
In October 2019 I moved in with my partner, who I thought I would spend my life with. We seemed to get on, there was somehow a mutual understanding, a connection. On moving in I took my furniture with me, replacing my then partners furniture, so it felt like our home. All fitted. All seemed ok on the surface, but there were signs, signs I didn't listen to, maybe just because it wasn't the time to listen. something niggled me and I began to see that we lived in 2 very different worlds, one of 3D and one 5D, different states of conciousness. One evening in January one remark was made that blew up into a huge arguement. On going to bed I made the decision that it was time. Time to leave. But where to go? I had no money to pay a downpayment plus rent (which would total to over 1500 euros), and nowhere was immediately available. But I trusted my gut feeling and asked on sleeping to be shown a solution.
In the middle of the night I awoke with the answer: My ex in laws home. I am on great terms with the father of my children, we have always supported each other through life after our divorce (where my journey within started, in 2009), and so too with my ex inlaws. Their house had laid empty for over 2 years, with my mother in law in residential home with alzeimer, and my dear father laws passed a couple of years ago. The house was fully furnished, so I could move without taking any of my furniture with me, meaning an easier a quicker move and my ex wouldn't be living in an empty house. It would also symbolise a complete letting go, lightening up of all my past. The house from the outside looked abandoned, shutters permanently closed, garden totally overgrown, I was surprised no squatters had taken over (now I realis why, because this was destiny, the house was waiting for me). I was given the all go and permission to live in it ( paying my ex husband a rent, so that would help him too). I was able to annonce my decision to leave, knowing that I had a secure place to go.
Within 2 weeks I had moved out and into my new home.
In this house not only was there all the furniture but also the belongings of my in laws. Clothes, books, kitcheware, photos, everything. Which meant for me to move in my things I had to move theirs out. And these weren't minimalist people!!! These were people who saved every piece of junk mail, catalogue and newspaper since the 1970s, clothes unworn, with tickets on them, and out of date medication to fill a pharmacy, thanks to the french medical system. And these were my ex inlaws... So clearing out meant reliving old memories, as well as releasing so much stagnant old energy. Not by chance was I clearing out old energies and memories as well as letting go of belongs that were holding me down. . I felt that for some reason the universe was preparing me for something. Something big. And I had to 'close' old doors behind me, clear my past.
The fact that I had decided to leave a relationship that I previously thought was working seemed to open up a new world for me. I was beginning to feel something else at work. That I was definitely part of a bigger plan. I was starting to see a much bigger picture. I knew that I had been somehow lifted out of the relationship that was far too negative and pulling me back in to a 3D way of living (3D is fear based, separation, disconnected), which just wasn't going to serve me for my way forward and for what was coming.
This house had been left empty and negleted, with the father of my children having no time to look after it, so here was me coming in and doing it, and clearing the way for him as he will be moving in, in August and so I will be moving out...to here I have absolutely no idea! But I know the universe has got my back on that. Complete trust that a solution will come.
These last ten years since my divorce has been a total walkabout and journey within to find myself, with each relationship being simply a lesson (more about that maybe in another blog), along the way finding Reiki and other healing modalities, and techniques, some I learnt and others I used to heal myself. When I moved in to my home I had this deep feeling that my inner journey had finished, that the training and lessons were over, and that it was time to work on my physical self, my outer journey.
I have begun to see so many patterns, like I am seeing my path and feeling it so much more than before. I think making that jump helped me to trust my intuition and the guidance I am receiving, knowing that what I felt wasn't just a feeling but a knowing and a true guidance.